This week has been a tough one for me. Last week I had really no emotions and I was wondering what was wrong. Usually when I feel the Spirit super strong, I'll cry, as I'm sure many of you know haha But during conference, no matter how much the Spirit touched me, I couldn't cry. It
was so weird! I thought the change in climate and stuff had messed with my emotions LOL But this week I finally had a couple "breakdown days." It was hard, but it's ok. I just needed to cry.
With being in an area where we have to start from scratch, I just have felt kind of like a failure. I know I shouldn't feel like that but I was looking forward to coming out here and getting started teaching right away and all that stuff. But that didn't happen. We have to do a lot of tracting and
talking with the ward members and looking at old progress/former investigator records and that isn't what I was expecting to do. So emotionally it has been hard for me. It will get better of course so I'm not too worried.
I have also become super distracted during personal and companionship study. I have tried not to think about home and other things but it's hard. I can't lie, there have been times where I just
want to give up and come home. I feel like I can't do this. I feel like I can't be the missionary that my Heavenly Father wants me to be. I know I shouldn't think these things but I do. And yes they hinder me in ways but I cry for a few minutes and then I pick myself up and get back to work.
We had a mission wide conference on Friday and I really enjoyed it! There was so much said during it that I know it was for me! One main thing that was said, was a ton of stories about miracles. Mom, as you know, I love the words "Believe" and "Miracle" and I just needed a little bit of a reminder of that. "BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!" I really do believe in miracles! Another story that really hit me was when President Becerra told a story about his daughter, Rachel (sweet name!!! haha) She's out here with President and Sister Becerra and one day she came home from school and she had been struggling for a while. She talked to her parents about it and then she left to have them talk alone for a minute. During that they decided that they would
send Rachel back to Utah to live with family to make things a little easier. When she came back in, they told her and she said, "What would happen to Paula if I went home?" Paula is a girl she met at school who eventually started taking missionary lessons and who has ended up joining the church. What would have happened if Rachel gave up and went home? Paula wouldn't know that joys and blessings and happiness of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So, that story really hit me and I now think to myself, "What would happen to the
people in the California Arcadia mission area if I gave up and came home?" I would never be able to forgive myself for giving up, I could never be ok in life. Besides that fact that I know what I felt and I know why I'm here. No matter how hard it gets, I'm never coming home
early! There's too many people out here that need to gospel in their lives. So I'm thankful for the mission conference, it really helped me!
Two really cool things that happened this week! On Tuesday, Sister Davidson and I went tracting and we walked past this house but didn't feel right about going up. On the way back to the car we were going to stop by but Sister Davidson had the thought of going to get a Book of Mormon before we went to the house. While we were at the door, talking to this guy, Bill, his granddaughter came up behind us and started talking to
us. She seemed really interested in what we had to say but she was in a hurry for a softball game so she asked us to come back that night. So we did come back but she was tired so we set up another day to come by.
Turns out she had spring break so she was gone but we told her that we'd text her this week. She seems super interested! She even asked if we had youth activities! So even though she ended up cancelling twice, we're crossing our fingers that she doesn't cancel again.
Then we went tracting again on Saturday and on the way back to our car, this 20ish year old chica was cleaning out her car so we went up to her. I started off "We're missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and we were wondering if we could share a quick message with you about Jesus Christ as it is Easter." She said yes and then I froze! I didn't know what to do! haha We've been "rejected" so many times that I guess I didn't have enough faith to think that she would say ok. So Sister Davidson took over from there and I chimmed in a couple times and, Natalie is her name, seem sincerely interested. She's going to school and is part of a all girls singing group so she's a little busy but we invited to her go on a church tour with us! We have to contact her and make sure we're still on for next Sunday! She was super nice and really genuine. She reminded me so much of Valerie! So we're praying and crossing our fingers on her.
I only have a couple more minutes on here and I want to put a few pictures so I better hurry. We're going to the park today to play soccer and frisbee with the district but I'll probably end up writing in my journal and writing another letter instead haha Mom, the people we had dinner with yesterday, their son should have sent you a message on Facebook and maybe even a couple pictures but here are a few from my camera.
Time to go! haha My time is running out! Love you all!
Oh... Happy Birthday to Adam Wheatley this week and also Jenifer's son Ashton and Trevor Fleck and Elia Livovich! Hope everyone has an amazing birthday! :)
Love Sister Rachel Wheatley